A friend of mine has a blog where she always posts about these awesome and creative home projects she’s working on or has finished. They’re always really neat and things that would never occur to me or I would never be motivated enough to bother with for my own home. (see her blog here). I’ve always been a little jealous that I couldn’t figure out how to cook food that looked halfway decent or do nifty projects but I have recently realized that it’s just who I am and I shouldn’t sweat it. I manage to feed myself and the boyfriend and sometimes the cat (don’t worry, the boyfriend always remembers to feed the cat, he is certainly not starving).
So because of my acceptance of my domestic non-success, I have decided instead to post about my two recent epic fails in cooking/baking. They have been appropriately named by the boyfriend and I, as The Doom Cake and Pizzappocalypse.
The Doom Cake
The Doom Cake was an accidental work of art. I found some cake mix on sale and decided that we hadn’t had cake in a while, so I picked it up along with some icing. A few days later, I went to make said cake and discovered that for some reason, we no longer have the normal sized cake pan in the cupboard. Don’t ask me where this went, things disappear around this place all the time and either show up randomly down the road or are never seen again. So I rooted around in the cupboards and found two identical, heart-shaped little cake pans and decided to make a layer cake with them. All went perfectly well with the mixing of the cake and the pouring of the batter into the pans and the subsequent baking of said cake in the oven.
I waited the instructed amount of time, puttering around and surfing the net until the cake was done. I did the toothpick test thingy my mother taught me (see Mom, sometimes I listened when you were trying to teach me cooking things!) and took them out of the oven to cool. This is where everything went slightly (alright, way more than slightly) askew.
We think the problem occurred when I didn’t let the cake cool enough when taking it out of the pan. I fully recommend always waiting until you know for sure a cake is cool enough to remove from the pan. Otherwise, this could happen to you:
Yes, as soon as I placed the second layer on top of the first, everything started to collapse in on itself in and implosion of cakey doom and deliciousness. I tried to repair it with icing patches as best I could, but the icing started to melt as well and everything just sort of went downhill from there. The fact that I was laughing so hard while doing this that tears were running down my face did not help matters any either. So this was my attempt at a layer cake and I will probably never attempt it again. We did eat it, however, and it still tasted like delicious cake, so it’s not all that bad.
Recently, we took a bunch of our dishes out to storage because we wanted to minimize the amount available to us in an effort to force us to wash the dishes more. We don’t have a dishwasher and the boyfriend and I both hate washing dishes, so they tend to pile up. The theory is that if there are less dishes to pile up, we will have to wash them more often. The unfortunate thing about this plan was the one and only pizza pan we have got packed up with all the rest of the stuff.
One night, I decided to make a frozen pizza in the oven and after searching in vain for the pizza pan (round metal thing with holes in it) I gave up and decided that putting the pizza directly on the oven rack would work just fine as I was pretty sure I’d done that before and nothing bad had happened. This, my friends, was the start of something very odd indeed. I was unaware that pizza could melt, not unlike plastic. Well, guess what? It certainly can. Below is an artist’s rendering of the event:
This presented a problem as the melted pizza was contained withing a very hot oven and I couldn’t exactly use a flat spatula to remove it from the rack since it was at varying levels of height. Eventually we decided that metal salad tongs would be the best way to go about it and we extracted the pizza a piece at a time in chunks. We put it all on a plate and what should have been my lovely, round, bacon and onion pizza ended up looking like this:
I will admit, the pizza still tasted phenomenal, it was just very weird to eat it in mangled pieces. I’m definitely digging out the pizza pan before I cook another one though, it was just too complicated to extract this mess without burning myself or setting something on fire inside the oven.