A Fashionable Battle

I was talking to a co-worker on break today when the subject of clothing came up and I was shocked to discover that her boyfriend is vehemently against wearing blue jeans and sneakers together in an ensemble.

After I picked my jaw up off of the floor I began peppering her with questions about this, such as, “What does he think you SHOULD wear with jeans?” and “What the heck does he wear with sneakers if not jeans?”.  She answered my questions patiently, stating that apparently he thinks you should only wear things like casual dress shoes (loafers and such) with jeans and sneakers should only be worn with athletic-type pants (yoga pants/Adidas workout type pants, etc…).

I still couldn’t fathom this as, outside of work, my entire wardrobe consists of wearing t-shirts, jeans, and sneakers.  I can’t imagine never wearing the two together as so many people that I see on a daily basis, in real life and on television, wear sneakers and jeans together.  So I started asking around at work.  I surveyed my co-workers to find out what their thoughts were on the subject.  One person immediately said that she didn’t think you should ever wear jeans with sneakers but most everyone else seemed as confused as I was.

Some people immediately answered that it was, of course, a normal and acceptable fashion trend and others had conditions and questions, as follows:

  • never wear sneakers with skinny jeans – I wholeheartedly agree with this because a) skinny jeans are mostly ridiculous and b) that is a fashion statement best left in the 80’s
  • on the flip side, it was mentioned that, as the sneakers were referred to as “running shoes” in my email, one should never wear jeans when running in sneakers – point taken
  • it was pulled into question as to what constitutes running shoes – most believed that athletic sneakers, Converse, skate shoes, and anything like them were considered applicable
  • a suggestion was made that one should never wear jeans and a jean jacket at the same time – this was immediately identified as a Canadian Tuxedo (I swear…I totally don’t do this…much)
  • Our wonderful IT guy also wanted to know if the shoes were blue – I didn’t have an answer for this but it did make me laugh

In the end, the total ended up being 13 people agreeing that it was normal and acceptable to wear sneakers with blue jeans and 2 people being against the concept entirely.  It was also agreed that it would depend on when/where you were sporting this outfit as to whether it would be okay.

Anyone else want to put in their 2 cents?  Answer below:

Fashion Trends Drive Me CRAZY!

Most people who know me (and probably many who don’t and simply pass me on the street) would definitely not call me a fashionista.  I’ve never understood the different fashion trends that have been in style during my almost 30 years on this Earth.  I was born in the 80’s so I’ve definitely seen some of the weirder ones and I’ve spent my twenties in the new millennium and I’ve spent the entire time completely confused by what people were wearing around me.

The three most recent fashion trends that absolutely baffle me are as follows: Uggs

Uggs: I can’t freaking stand these boots.  I don’t understand why people think these are appropriate winter footwear as they seem to get wet and let water in very easily and don’t have very good tread for walking on ice.  Couple that with giant grey track pants stuffed down into the boots with an arbitrary saying written across the ass of the co-ed stupid enough to wear them and it makes for a very sloppy look indeed.

skinny jeansSkinny Jeans: As a bigger larger okay, okay…fat person, skinny jeans aren’t really an option for me so you may be saying, “Why do you hate something you can’t even wear?”  I’ll tell you folks…because they don’t look like anyone should wear them…ever.  They look uncomfortable, unbending and generally like they would chafe in some very tender areas (this goes double for guys whom it boggles the mind that they could even shove their bits into those things).  Remember, I was a child of the 80’s; I swore I would never put those darn things on and I still have not to this day.  I’ve heard rumours that flares are coming back and I’m giddy with anticipation and excitement to say goodbye to skinny jeans…making everyone look anorexic since their invention.

Rubber Boots: I cannot stress enough how much these are not a fashion item people.  They are footwear designed rubber bootsfor walking around in copious amounts of filth and animal droppings.  Suddenly, they’re trendy and pretty and people are wearing them on nice days to look cool.  Meanwhile, I can’t understand why someone would pay upwards of $70 to walk around in something designed to walk through shit in.  This has to stop, people…or next you’ll be telling me that insulated overalls are all the rage and there will be people walking about looking like they just came out of the barn but they spent over $200 dollars on the outfit.

Some other honourable mentions are: giant sunglasses that obscure the entire face, Ed Hardy things, and hats in which the beaks are not bent appropriately and are turned sideways and massively askew.  I still stick to the timeless fashion that I’ve always worn since I was but a wee little tot…a t-shirt and jeans with running shoes and in the summer, a tank top and shorts with flip flops.  This always seems to be at least acceptable style-wise and always easy to find in the store.  Also, I never look back at pictures of myself and thing, “What the hell was I thinking”, because I know that I was thinking I looked pretty good in my normal jeans and a tee.

I (Used To) Totally Hate Dresses

For those of you that don’t know me very well, as anyone who does could attest, I NEVER wear dresses.  I believe up until this summer, I owned one skirt that was black in case of funerals or other potentially slightly more dressy occasions and a (small) variety of somewhat dressy shirts.

So, if you hadn’t guessed from the first paragraph of this post, I really dislike dressing up.  I didn’t like it when I was a little kid and I really didn’t like it as I got older.  I didn’t have the ability to be very graceful in a dress (despite almost 15 years of ballet lessons) nor did I have the desire to learn.  I’m constantly afraid that I will flash someone while wearing an dress or a skirt and have mostly word silky boxer shorts under them if the occasion arose where I did have to wear one.  That way, someone only got a flash of Sponge Bob or Homer Simpson instead of my underwear.

Me jumping up and down on a dress...I disliked them this much

So I have gotten away with purchasing perhaps four dresses in the last nine years of my life, including my prom dress.  This was paid for by my mother and to this day, I have a feeling she offered to do so because she couldn’t stand for me to go to prom in a pair of jeans and a tank top.  On a side note, she was disappointed that my hair wasn’t done in an lovely up do with hanging, curly tendrils like all my friends.  I went with what suited me best and had the stylist do a twisty updo that was sticking out every which way and it was dyed kind of purple-ish to match my dress.

Aside from that dress, I’ve purchased a few for weddings here and there and one for being a bridesmaid in my best friend’s wedding, which was actually quite flattering on me.

That is, until this year.  You may not know it, but where I live in Canada is freaking hot in the summer.  With the humidex (someday, I will meet the man that invented this and kick him in the shins), temperatures have been reaching the mid-forties in degrees Celcius with air that feels like you’re walking through a hot sauna and breathing in water.  It’s HOT here in Southwestern Ontario and it doesn’t ever really seem to be relieving when it rains.  It just creates more moisture for the humidity to play with.  I used to deal with it better, but I hate being hot and I tend to feel like I’m going to fall down on the sidewalk and melt under the sun:

This is me, lying on the sidewalk in the melty Southwestern Ontario sun...

This, coupled with the fact that I’ve been on a new and very effective meal plan and have joined a gym in the last few months, thereby making me smaller in size, have somehow led to something I never thought would happen.

I started wearing dresses on a regular basis.

It started with the Old Navy 75% off summerwear sale.  I couldn’t resist a green summer dress that was originally $35 and marked down to $8.  My reasoning?  It was damn hot out and dresses were cooler.  It looked cute on me due to my recent weight loss and I couldn’t pass it up, so I purchased it.

When I wore it to work the following day, so many people commented on the fact that they’d never seen me wear a dress before that I was incredibly amused.  Since then I have purchased one more summery dress, brought another one out of storage that I wore to a wedding a while ago and fits me better now than it did then and brought yet another dress home from my parents’ house that I wore to a wedding even before I met the boyfriend.

So yes, a person’s preference in clothing types can change, all it takes is extreme weather.

The Creepiest Mannequins Ever

Remember back when Old Navy commercials were kind of catchy?  They always had some dancing, some trendy little pop song, some lame theme going on for whatever they were selling.  If it was winter, they were playing in the snow with their Old Navy mittens and scarves, in the summer, they were wearing flip flops that they got at Old Navy for a moderate price.

I didn’t mind those commercials.  I wasn’t on the edge of my seat waiting for a new one to come around, but they weren’t horrible.

Now, however, their commercials are absolutely atrocious.  I HATE them with a passion and can’t stand it when they come on the television.  In case you don’t know what I’m talking about (and if you don’t, you’re damn lucky), I’ll enlighten you.  The following is a photograph of that which is so creepy.

The Old Navy Mannequins

Don’t worry, the photograph itself can’t hurt you.  I’m not completely certain about the ones in the store, though.  I tend to avoid them.  With their happy little smiles and their inane conversations on the commercials, they’re they most shudder inducing mascots I’ve seen for anything.  There’s even a freaking DOG!  What’s with that.  He can’t wear clothes and has no business advertising a human clothing store.

And the dialogue! I can’t stand it…if these are real world problems of people who shop at old navy, then I’m going to have to stop shopping there.  And I love their tank tops so I don’t want to.

Yes, that’s right…she needs new jeans.  While they’re nice jeans, buying them is not a horrible, life changing event that would cause her grinning idiot of a plastic boyfriend to spaz out.  I could see that reaction if she’d dropped the bomb that she was going to have his grinning, idiot plastic baby, but not because she was going to buy new jeans.  I just don’t get it.  I want the days of the trendy pop songs about sweaters back.

Movie Review: Killer Klowns from Outer Space

The boyfriend and I had an experience lately that bears repeating.  We were bored one night, flipping through Netflix, and arguing about what to watch.  Finally, he suggested Killer Klowns from Outer Space.  I was annoyed enough with the flipped that I just said that was fine and he could put on whatever he wanted.  So he chose this one and we settled in to watch.

I will start by saying that I hope to hell that whomever made this movie intended for it to be as over the top ridiculous and cheesy as it was because if they were actually going to frightening, they failed on an epic level.

In rating it on the Cheese Scale, I give it a good rating.  This means it is it was quality cheese.  These movies are amusing, contain a the right amount of humour and character likeability with an amusing plotline.  The downside is, there’s not a whole lot of rewatch value to these ones.

I will say that the reason I liked the characters is that they were acted so badly.  I laughed my ass off at their apparently intended serious acting that was so awful, it blew a school play out of the water.  I love stuff like that, it makes my bad eighties movie just that much better.  To give you a run down of the bizarre and sometimes baffling things this movie had to offer, let me share some of the finer points of the film with you.

Just in case you care, there are definitely spoilers in this post.  If you are peeing your pants in anticipation to see this film, don’t read the rest of this or you will be saddened and dismayed.

First of all, the Klowns come to Earth in what can be described as a falling star/spaceship/circus tent.  Yes, their spaceship appears as a circus tent.  The first person to find this tent is an old man thinking he’s going to get rich and his blood hound named Poo.  That’s right, his dog’s name is Poo.  I believe at one point he calls it Pooh Bear, but it’s funnier the other way, so that’s what I go by.

The main character breakdown is as follows:

1. An old police officer who hates all the young punks in town (anyone under thirty) and continually mumbles monologues about how he hates those crazy kids.  Somewhat akin to the unmasked villain at the end of every episode of Scooby Doo.

2. College guy and girl up on make out hill who see the falling star and make the discovery and try to warn everyone.

3. Young police officer who is more open minded and used to date the chick that was on make out hill.

4. The moron twins who drive an ice cream truck and think that it will get them laid.  They talk rather like the teenager on The Simpsons with the squeaky voice.

The generic teenager working all the crappy jobs.

The Klowns themselves are bizarre.  They are really tall, look like they’re wearing blow up clown outfits and have very creepy but also very fake looking rubbery faces with yellowed, pointy teeth.  I’m actually fairly certain they spent most of the budget on the costumes for the Klowns.  They kill people by shooting them with a ray gun that cocoons them in cotton candy and then liquefies them, allowing the Klowns to insert silly straws (yes, silly straws) and suck them out through that.  Grotesque yet humourous.

They also have guns that shoot popcorn at people.  In the beginning, I was unsure as to what this would accomplish but apparently the popcorn later turns into snakes with Klown heads that try to eat you.  This just confused me to no extent.  Why would popcorn do this?  Eggs I could see, but popcorn is so buttery and delicious that I can’t see it harming me.  Though, I guess I couldn’t imagine being liquified by cotton candy and sucked up through a silly straw either, so there you go.  Something I found particularly amusing was the creation of a balloon animal dog that followed a scent trail.

During the inevitable takeover of the town, a biker gets his head punched off by the little Klown after the biker breaks his little bicycle (the Klown was wearing little boxing gloves at the time and acting quite impish).  A shadow puppet on a wall captures several peoples’ attention, then the several people and they are fed to a bag of popcorn…and we all know what happens when the popcorn gets involved.  There is a car chase involving a little Klown car, an ice cream truck, and a police car which is just ridiculous.  During all this, the townspeople are being collected up in their cotton candy cocoons with a giant vacuum on the Klown car.

One of my favoured discoveries in this film was the way to kill them.  Are you ready for this?  Pop their big, red noses.  Yes folks, that’s right.  The Klowns’ weakness is that giant red nose they all sport and by destroying it, they will spin around in a bright green tornado, turn into a crystal and then explode.

Just as a random observation, by the way, the main chick changed into leg warmers in the second half of the movie and then was kidnapped inside a giant balloon and taken back to the space ship.  I think she deserved it because the leg warmers were polka-dotted.

And now, for the final battle.  We arrive at the local amusement park, where the Klowns have moved the space ship to better disguise it.  Five Klowns get out of a tiny car and kill a security guard with pies…he melted and the little clown put a cherry on top of the goo pile.  This was awesome.  The boyfriend and I laughed quite a bit.  The ice cream truck losers fell into a ball pit with two girl clowns with giant, inflatable boobs.  They were in heaven.  They (dumb ass preppy guy and young cop) rescued the leg warmer chick and then they all tried to escaped.  Dumb ass preppy guy (wearing an argyle sweater) opens a door and finds another door.  He commented loudly, “Another Door!”.  This gag is repeated and every time he says, “Another Door!” like it’s the biggest shock in the world

The last boss (yes, I play too many video games) was a giant Klown with a crocodilian style head.  There was no special effort in finding his weakness, it was the same as the smaller Klowns.  The young cop popped his nose with his badge.  The spaceship blew up and that was pretty much it.

I love cheesy movies and this delivered on that whether it was intentional or not.  There was some unfinished business, however, that bothered me at the end.  How did the moron twins escaped the big boobed Klowns and why it was never defined whether leg warmer chick officially wanted young cop (that would be my choice) or dumb ass preppy guy in the argyle sweater?  The three of them just hugged at the end.  Though perhaps after all their harrowing trials, they will form a permanent threesome and live happily ever after.

Best...tagline...ever.

The Worst Things to Do In a Snowstorm

Given that it is snowing again here in our lovely city and there is already talk of snow days tomorrow, I have decided to be as helpful as possible to certain people who will be out and about tomorrow and let them know what they should NOT be doing during this beautiful yet somewhat treacherous weather.

For all of those who will be driving tomorrow and first must relieve their vehicles of accumulated snow…finish the job.  I empathize with the feeling of laziness in the morning, I really do.  I do everything I can the night before to make sure I can sleep in as long as possible.  I shower the night before, I take portable food with me instead of making breakfast, and I generally just throw my very long hair back into a pony tail and forget about it but when it comes to clearing off my car, I will make the time.  When there is almost a foot of snow on top of a car, that needs to go.  Driving around with that kind of snow on top of your car is dangerous and stupid and when I see people who have only cleared the snow from their front and rear windshield and left it piled on the hood, roof, and trunk of their car, I always wish for the power to incapacitate their vehicles somehow and force them to pull over (safely of course) to the side of the road.  I hate being buffeted with gusts of snow from vehicles who’s owners were too lazy to clear it off and I always find it frustrating and unsafe to be in that situation.  So bite the bullet and clean off your damn car.

The amount of snow on my car during the recent snow storm - yes, I cleaned it ALL off

People who drive too slow really irritate me as well.  Guess what?  A half a foot of snow isn’t that bad.  You are more of a traffic risk going 30 Km in that than you would be if you were just driving at a normal speed in a cautious manner.  Grow a pair and realize that you have driven in snow before and, should you choose to remain living here, you will drive in it again next year.

People who drive too fast, in contrast, are insane.  There comes a point in the weather up here when you DO slow down and if you don’t, no matter what kind of tires or number or wheels that drive your car, you are an asshole.  Where other people are being cautious and courteous drivers, you’re risking us all because you have to get where you’re going ASAP.  As a Canadian, your impolite driving upsets me.  People here understand that there is snow and you might be a little late.  It happens, deal with it.  If need be, sacrifice a half an hour of sleep and get up a little earlier.  You’ll save yourself an accident or two.

But none of the three that precede this last one are even comparable.  What is the final on my list of annoying people in winter storms is the worst and most horrid offender of all.  Pedestrians who walk on the road.

What on earth is wrong with you?  Do you have any idea what kind of danger you’re in while you’re tromping along in the snow?  I’m sorry, but get the hell off the effing road.  I know that the sidewalks are usually the last things to be plowed and trudging along on them when the snow is up to your knees is annoying and cold; trust me, I’ve been there.  However, that’s where you are supposed to be.  Realize you live in a cold winter climate and buy some snowpants and appropriate footwear.  Wading through the snow is better than being hit by a car.  If it is snowing really badly, we can’t see you.  If the road is slippery, we can’t stop fast.  A fender bender isn’t so bad.  I can deal with a dent in my car.  You are not a car, you are a fragile human being and you’re going to get your dumb ass killed.

I know why you’re on the road.  At least, some of you.  I see the stupid Uggs you’re wearing and I would just like to say…GTFO.  Leave Canada with your stupid, inappropriate boots and don’t come back.  If you live somewhere with snow fall more than a couple of centimetres at a time, buy some damn boots that are insultated and have traction.  It’s a safety issue.  Uggs have no grip, no ankle support, and no warmth in the cold, wet snow.  Buy some snowmobile boots and stop being such a diva.  Uggs are fine in the fall and the spring or for wearing around inside.  Canada in the winter is not a fashion show…it’s wet and dangerous and you should have better boots.  Stop it!

Good advice for winter pedestrians

So, with the freezing rain falling down outside my window and the prospect of having to drive to work in the morning, please heed my advice and follow it appropriately and we’ll all get where we’re going on time and alive.

Men…in Belted Sweaters

I have been feeling unmotivated towards blogging for a while now.  I don’t know why other than to say I’ve been feeling rather unmotivated towards a lot of stuff, mostly because I’m tired after working all the time and don’t want to do anything but sit on my butt and watch Netflix.

Today, however, I was sitting on my butt and watching Netflix while surfing the net and the boyfriend sent me a link on MSN.  I clicked and then I laughed hysterically for a very long time.  I’m still chuckling and I will never get tired of this picture.  I know that this is not a real blog post, but I figured it would tide me over (and anyone who cares to read it) until I put an actual post together.

Yes, that's right. Men....In Belted Sweaters

Now, imagine if this were the style today.  Could you just see yourself walking down the street, minding your own business, perhaps listening to some tunes on the old mp3 player, when suddenly, what do you see?  A man in a belted sweater…strolling nonchalantly down the sidewalk, his head tilted just so as the wind sweeps through his flowing locks…oh ladies, the tingles would abound, no??  I don’t really remember ever seeing this as a prominent fashion staple in any movie or magazine from recent years or back in the day, so I’m hoping this never caught on, despite the admirable effort on the part of Columbia Minerva Leaflet #2528.

I couldn’t help myself and I did another copy of the pictures with my comments on each different design.  See below:

Thanks goes out to the boyfriend for locating such Men…a gem and sending it along to brighten my rather dull evening.  I hope you find as much joy in Men…With Belted Sweaters as I did.

UPDATE: I realize that I called the man in the upper left corner a reminder of the Man in the Yellow Hat and he is not actually wearing a yellow hat but a yellow sweater.  I do, however, stand by my original statement, as I look at him and that’s what I’m reminded of.