What I Hate Most About Winter

I haven’t written anything in quite a while.  I’d love to blame work and overtime and having an active and fulfilling life, but for the most part, I’m really just a boring and sometimes very lazy person.  In the last few months, this has massively intensified and I just didn’t have the motivation to write something.

So when I sat down tonight and decided to actually write a blog post for once, I decided to go with the topic that is becoming more and more relevant to me lately: the things that I can’t stand about winter.

Now don’t get me wrong, I actually quite like winter.  I don’t mind the cold and I think the snow is beautiful.  I love my Snuggie and cups of warm tea while I watch movies and snow days are always awesome.  But like any person, there are always two sides to the same story and there are certainly things I can’t stand about winter.

1. Deceptively cold steering wheel: Frankenbob has a steering wheel that is so very innocent looking.  This is a lie.  In the cold weather, unsuspecting me will get into my car, put my seat belt on, turn my key and then, to my sudden shock and dismay, I’ll put my hands on the steering wheel and instantly feel as if they’ve frozen there, never to be removed again.  I HATE cold steering wheels.  Therefore, I have a very nice pair of red woolly mittens to keep this from happening.  The crappy thing is, sometimes I forget my mittens and I have to drive somewhere with hands that feel as if they’re numb all the way to the bones.

cold steering wheel

2. A Whiney Boyfriend: as soon as it starts to get cold, The Boyfriend immediately starts to protest this fact.  Out loud.  Constantly.  I know very well he doesn’t like the cold and that many people don’t.  I don’t like it when it’s especially cold out either, so I understand.  However, we live in freaking Canada and it gets cold here every year.  I don’t understand how it seems appropriate to whine about something that happens every year around the same time.  That’s why we have winter clothing and boots and coats.  To stay warm.  I find these items quite effective if they are adorned properly.

3. People who forget how to drive the instant snow hits the ground.  I grew up in a very small town.  This means I had to learn how to drive in a very small town and that included dirt roads with drifts of a foot or more of snow crossing the road at random intervals.  It means huge gusts of wind creating whiteout conditions on the roads where there was nothing to block the snow and it meant that winter driving was always a little bit of a trial.  Then I moved to the city and it was great.  The buildings block the wind so there aren’t any drifts across the road and whiteout conditions are pretty much non-existent.  However, it seems that people who learned to drive in the city think things are a little more dangerous than they actually are.  As soon is it snows here, people freak out.  They either drive twenty kilometers below the speed limit or twenty over it.  They’re hesitant when they shouldn’t be and way too ballsy when the weather is horrible.  It’s like driving through a gauntlet of morons who forget that it snows every year and yes, they have driving in this mystery substance before.

stupid drivers

4. Girls who wear mini skirts and tiny tank tops to the bar…and then bitch about it being so cold out: This is something I simply cannot stand.  I don’t go to the bar very often anymore (again, because I’m lazy and not often all that motivated) but it was one of the things I hated the most about it when I did go.  Standing in line or walking down the street and hearing tiny little girls whine and bitch about how cold it was.  Then I would turn and see them standing in the snow and sleet, in temperatures that were below zero and they were wearing extremely short skirts, shirts that left nothing to the imagination and tiny little shoes.  Now, I have no problem if people want to wear something so revealing, it’s none of my business.  However, they are either too stupid to be out and about on the streets without a guardian or too stubborn to realize that cold weather warrants warm clothes.  So either way, I have no sympathy for them and never let them cut in line when they asked.  Because they should have dressed more appropriately.

stupid girls with no clothes

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Fashion Trends Drive Me CRAZY!

Most people who know me (and probably many who don’t and simply pass me on the street) would definitely not call me a fashionista.  I’ve never understood the different fashion trends that have been in style during my almost 30 years on this Earth.  I was born in the 80’s so I’ve definitely seen some of the weirder ones and I’ve spent my twenties in the new millennium and I’ve spent the entire time completely confused by what people were wearing around me.

The three most recent fashion trends that absolutely baffle me are as follows: Uggs

Uggs: I can’t freaking stand these boots.  I don’t understand why people think these are appropriate winter footwear as they seem to get wet and let water in very easily and don’t have very good tread for walking on ice.  Couple that with giant grey track pants stuffed down into the boots with an arbitrary saying written across the ass of the co-ed stupid enough to wear them and it makes for a very sloppy look indeed.

skinny jeansSkinny Jeans: As a bigger larger okay, okay…fat person, skinny jeans aren’t really an option for me so you may be saying, “Why do you hate something you can’t even wear?”  I’ll tell you folks…because they don’t look like anyone should wear them…ever.  They look uncomfortable, unbending and generally like they would chafe in some very tender areas (this goes double for guys whom it boggles the mind that they could even shove their bits into those things).  Remember, I was a child of the 80’s; I swore I would never put those darn things on and I still have not to this day.  I’ve heard rumours that flares are coming back and I’m giddy with anticipation and excitement to say goodbye to skinny jeans…making everyone look anorexic since their invention.

Rubber Boots: I cannot stress enough how much these are not a fashion item people.  They are footwear designed rubber bootsfor walking around in copious amounts of filth and animal droppings.  Suddenly, they’re trendy and pretty and people are wearing them on nice days to look cool.  Meanwhile, I can’t understand why someone would pay upwards of $70 to walk around in something designed to walk through shit in.  This has to stop, people…or next you’ll be telling me that insulated overalls are all the rage and there will be people walking about looking like they just came out of the barn but they spent over $200 dollars on the outfit.

Some other honourable mentions are: giant sunglasses that obscure the entire face, Ed Hardy things, and hats in which the beaks are not bent appropriately and are turned sideways and massively askew.  I still stick to the timeless fashion that I’ve always worn since I was but a wee little tot…a t-shirt and jeans with running shoes and in the summer, a tank top and shorts with flip flops.  This always seems to be at least acceptable style-wise and always easy to find in the store.  Also, I never look back at pictures of myself and thing, “What the hell was I thinking”, because I know that I was thinking I looked pretty good in my normal jeans and a tee.