Dear Santa….WTF?

Well friends, Christmas has come and gone and tomorrow night is new years.  I gave it a few extra days because of Snowmageddon and all the delayed mail and frantic postal workers trudging through five feet of snow, however, I can deny it no longer.  Santa failed to write me back this year.  I took the time to painstakingly hand write such a lovely letter and I received no return post from the North Pole.  Fail Santa…epic fail.

I checked the mail eagerly every day after work, but alas, the dream was not to be.  My boxspring still droops where it somehow was broken, Mr. Pip cannot open his own cans of food and the boyfriend has no belted sweater to call his own.  I hope that he had time to write all the little kids who wouldn’t understand his lack of dedication to his fans so they can go one more year with that total belief and excitement, but I myself am saddened.  Perhaps next year, friends.

I do plan to try again next year, hopefully not hindered by a freak snow storm and I’ll be sending the letter out well in advance of Christmas.

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Bizarre Little Thrift Store Finds: Christmas Edition

So the boyfriend and I went on a random thrift shopping adventure yesterday.  He just wanted to browse and I was on the lookout for belted sweaters.  Christmas is fast approaching and the boyfriend is always rather cold.  As per usual, while he browsed the video games and textbooks (yes, the boyfriend eagerly checks out the textbooks at the thrift stores), I wandered around in search of bizarre and interesting things that one could only hope to find in a second hand store.  This trip was not a disappointment and because of the approaching holidays, the stores were chock full of wonderful Christmas items to see.

First up, a stocking.  But no just any stocking.  This was home made…with latch hook.  I find that the eyes are the creepiest thing about this stocking.  Santa either has deep dark patches underneath his non-existent eyes or his eyes themselves are nothing but dark, black frightening patches, not unlike a shark who is about to devour his prey.  This stocking must have frightened many a child back in the day on Christmas morning.

I would be terrified of this on Christmas morning

Another creepy thing I spotted was something I’m assuming was supposed to be an angel of some sort.  However, it seems as if the male angel has a female angel growing out from the side of it.  I mean LITERALLY out of the side of the male.  She’s got one arm and then her mid-waist connects to his side and they freakish Frankenstein stitches are covered by some kind of shield.  It’s like a Christmas science experiment gone wrong.

Yes, melded together at the side...so creepy

Elves are a jolly lot.  They’re happy and bouncy and oh so fun and dancy, right?  Well, not this elf.  This one is completely demented.  It’s got weirdly smeared lipstick and googly eyes and these odd little eyebrows.  With his sparkly little hat and shiny green tights, I would be very suspicious of this elf if he were working in Santa’s workshop.

I feel as if he's looking into my soul....*shudder*

A theme I noticed while browsing the Christmas wonders on all the shelves was Santa statues holding geese.  It was odd because I wondered why Santa would be holding such a thing.  Then it occurred to me that perhaps, Santa was delivering these birds to be eaten as Christmas dinner.  Which is all well and good, I’m by no means a vegetarian.  I love turkey at Thanksgiving and Christmas and the occasional Easter dinner.  So I understand the concept of perhaps eating these cute little geese for dinner.  My problem with this is, they seem so happy to be hanging out with Santa and if they ARE food, then he’s delivering them up for slaughter.  It kind of seems mean.  If he’s going to be delivering food to people, it should be dead before hand.

The poor unsuspecting geese

In one of the stores, there were a bunch of little statues of kids playing in the snow.  There was nothing particularly odd about them individually, however, two over them were placed on the shelf in such an unfortunate manner that I couldn’t help but share the amusement with the rest of you.

Someone was not paying attention at the store when they put these on the shelf.

The last thing I found that day was just something that was quite odd to be sitting on the shelf at all, let alone with all the Christmas ornaments.  A Coke bottle.  A little glass coke bottle with actual coke in it.  Just sitting on the shelf, happy as can be.  It was just odd.

WTF???

So yes, these were my Christmas adventures in thrift store land.  I will, of course, be keeping my eye out for any other marvelous treasures as well as belted sweaters.

Letter to Santa – The Finished Product

So today I wrote my letter to Santa Clause and will be sending it out in the mail tomorrow.  I chose a very lovely stationary with snowflakes and Christmas trees.  It ended up taking 3.5 pages but not because I’m greedy.  My handwriting is atrocious and very big, so it takes up a lot of room on unlined paper.  Below is a picture of the finished letter and a translation underneath so you can see what I wrote.

My very pretty letter to Santa

Dear Santa Claus,

I know that it’s been a while since I wrote you a letter, probably almost twenty years, but it’s never too late to catch up, right?
How are the reindeer? Are the elves surviving these hard, economic times?  I hope so, they always seemed like such a jolly lot.
Anyway, I don’t want to take up too much of your time, so here is the list of things I was kind of hoping to get for Christmas.

  1. A new boxspring for my bed. It was damaged in a freak accident and now my side of the bed dips. This makes for a most uncomfortable sleep at night.
  2. A pug named GIR so the Peep can have a friend and stop torturing the boyfriend on a daily basis.
  3. Fuzzy dice to hang from the rearview mirror in my car. Because Bob the Car is just that classy.
  4. A belted sweater for the boyfriend because I can’t find them anywhere. His favourite colour is orange.
  5. Another Snuggie. I know that I already have one, and I love the way it’s warmth and coziness invades me while it steals my soul, but I can get cold at work and would like to have one there as well.
  6. I’d really like someone to make a She-Ra movie. There are no good cartoons left in the world and that was one of the best and greatest roll models for girls and she was the best. Boys got a He-Man movie and I’m still waiting for my She-Ra film. I’m sure you have connections in Hollywood and can make this happen.
  7. By the way, since he doesn’t have opposable thumbs, Mr. Peep would like cat food that is easily opened so he doesn’t have to wait until the boyfriend and I get up to eat his tasty breakfast. Because, trust me, Mr. Peep is not impressed with his humans sleeping in.
  8. I know that this is a very nerd-like request, but please bring back Buffy and Firefly. Please????
  9. A new duvet would be lovely because the boyfriend stole mine two years ago and I haven’t been able to snuggle into it’s pillowy goodness ever since. I miss my duvet, Santa, a lot and I’d be very appreciative to have another one. We don’t share blankets very well, so no, that is not an option.
  10. Lastly, Santa, I would like a winter coat. I used to have several and somehow, they have all disappeared. It may be the boyfriend’s way of getting me to buy a new coat as the old ones were ten years old. I live in Southwestern Ontario. It’s freaking cold here and the moderately rated one I have isn’t really cutting it.

So, in closing, I would like to thank you for your time and tell you that its been wonderful writing you a letter again after so long. I hope your trip is good this year and Merry Christmas to you.

Thanks again,

Shannon.