The boyfriend and I had an experience lately that bears repeating. We were bored one night, flipping through Netflix, and arguing about what to watch. Finally, he suggested Killer Klowns from Outer Space. I was annoyed enough with the flipped that I just said that was fine and he could put on whatever he wanted. So he chose this one and we settled in to watch.
I will start by saying that I hope to hell that whomever made this movie intended for it to be as over the top ridiculous and cheesy as it was because if they were actually going to frightening, they failed on an epic level.
In rating it on the Cheese Scale, I give it a good rating. This means it is it was quality cheese. These movies are amusing, contain a the right amount of humour and character likeability with an amusing plotline. The downside is, there’s not a whole lot of rewatch value to these ones.
I will say that the reason I liked the characters is that they were acted so badly. I laughed my ass off at their apparently intended serious acting that was so awful, it blew a school play out of the water. I love stuff like that, it makes my bad eighties movie just that much better. To give you a run down of the bizarre and sometimes baffling things this movie had to offer, let me share some of the finer points of the film with you.
Just in case you care, there are definitely spoilers in this post. If you are peeing your pants in anticipation to see this film, don’t read the rest of this or you will be saddened and dismayed.
First of all, the Klowns come to Earth in what can be described as a falling star/spaceship/circus tent. Yes, their spaceship appears as a circus tent. The first person to find this tent is an old man thinking he’s going to get rich and his blood hound named Poo. That’s right, his dog’s name is Poo. I believe at one point he calls it Pooh Bear, but it’s funnier the other way, so that’s what I go by.
The main character breakdown is as follows:
1. An old police officer who hates all the young punks in town (anyone under thirty) and continually mumbles monologues about how he hates those crazy kids. Somewhat akin to the unmasked villain at the end of every episode of Scooby Doo.
2. College guy and girl up on make out hill who see the falling star and make the discovery and try to warn everyone.
3. Young police officer who is more open minded and used to date the chick that was on make out hill.
4. The moron twins who drive an ice cream truck and think that it will get them laid. They talk rather like the teenager on The Simpsons with the squeaky voice.
The Klowns themselves are bizarre. They are really tall, look like they’re wearing blow up clown outfits and have very creepy but also very fake looking rubbery faces with yellowed, pointy teeth. I’m actually fairly certain they spent most of the budget on the costumes for the Klowns. They kill people by shooting them with a ray gun that cocoons them in cotton candy and then liquefies them, allowing the Klowns to insert silly straws (yes, silly straws) and suck them out through that. Grotesque yet humourous.
They also have guns that shoot popcorn at people. In the beginning, I was unsure as to what this would accomplish but apparently the popcorn later turns into snakes with Klown heads that try to eat you. This just confused me to no extent. Why would popcorn do this? Eggs I could see, but popcorn is so buttery and delicious that I can’t see it harming me. Though, I guess I couldn’t imagine being liquified by cotton candy and sucked up through a silly straw either, so there you go. Something I found particularly amusing was the creation of a balloon animal dog that followed a scent trail.
During the inevitable takeover of the town, a biker gets his head punched off by the little Klown after the biker breaks his little bicycle (the Klown was wearing little boxing gloves at the time and acting quite impish). A shadow puppet on a wall captures several peoples’ attention, then the several people and they are fed to a bag of popcorn…and we all know what happens when the popcorn gets involved. There is a car chase involving a little Klown car, an ice cream truck, and a police car which is just ridiculous. During all this, the townspeople are being collected up in their cotton candy cocoons with a giant vacuum on the Klown car.
One of my favoured discoveries in this film was the way to kill them. Are you ready for this? Pop their big, red noses. Yes folks, that’s right. The Klowns’ weakness is that giant red nose they all sport and by destroying it, they will spin around in a bright green tornado, turn into a crystal and then explode.
Just as a random observation, by the way, the main chick changed into leg warmers in the second half of the movie and then was kidnapped inside a giant balloon and taken back to the space ship. I think she deserved it because the leg warmers were polka-dotted.
And now, for the final battle. We arrive at the local amusement park, where the Klowns have moved the space ship to better disguise it. Five Klowns get out of a tiny car and kill a security guard with pies…he melted and the little clown put a cherry on top of the goo pile. This was awesome. The boyfriend and I laughed quite a bit. The ice cream truck losers fell into a ball pit with two girl clowns with giant, inflatable boobs. They were in heaven. They (dumb ass preppy guy and young cop) rescued the leg warmer chick and then they all tried to escaped. Dumb ass preppy guy (wearing an argyle sweater) opens a door and finds another door. He commented loudly, “Another Door!”. This gag is repeated and every time he says, “Another Door!” like it’s the biggest shock in the world
The last boss (yes, I play too many video games) was a giant Klown with a crocodilian style head. There was no special effort in finding his weakness, it was the same as the smaller Klowns. The young cop popped his nose with his badge. The spaceship blew up and that was pretty much it.
I love cheesy movies and this delivered on that whether it was intentional or not. There was some unfinished business, however, that bothered me at the end. How did the moron twins escaped the big boobed Klowns and why it was never defined whether leg warmer chick officially wanted young cop (that would be my choice) or dumb ass preppy guy in the argyle sweater? The three of them just hugged at the end. Though perhaps after all their harrowing trials, they will form a permanent threesome and live happily ever after.