They’re BAAAAAACK!!

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Can anyone tell me when this started happening? I remember these things from when I was a kid and people were scrapping over them in toy stores. I remember that my cousins had one and when the batteries started to die it sounded like a demon from hell.

Why are these things back? Are we really that much of a lost society that on top of just remaking movies from 20 years ago, now we’re going to just re-release the same damn toys? And the poster says you cab pre-order it…so that means they’re anticipating crazed parents and spoiled rotten children duking I out in the aisles again. Sigh…

Disney Blu Ray is a Rip Off!

I love Disney movies.  Who doesn’t, right?  We all grew up watching the classics like The Lion King, Beauty and the Beast, or Aladdin.  Two out of three of the previously mentioned films were recently re-released in theatres in 3D for the enjoyment of a whole new generation of people (and let’s face it, the enjoyment of the previous generation as well).

While I didn’t get the chance to go and see The Lion King when it was released again, I did have the pleasure of re-experiencing Beauty and the Beast in all it’s glory on the big screen.  Something I hadn’t been able to do since 1991 when it was first released and I was only 8 years old.  I was annoyed by the 3D because it was distracting and pointless, but experiencing that movie again on the big screen literally brought tears to my eyes.

So of course, I wanted to purchase a copy for myself before Disney threw the movie back into their horrid and hated vault.  I HATE the Disney vault but that’s a topic for another post at a later date.

I trotted on down to the nearest Walmart and went straight to the Disney section, excited to own a copy of Beauty of the Beast for the first time since owning it on VHS.  Yes, that’s right…VHS.  My excitement at spotting my bounty was short-lived, however, when I saw the price tag stuck onto it.

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Yes folks, that’s right.  The price was actually $36.93.  My jaw fell to the ground and I literally said out loud, “Are you FREAKING kidding me?!?”  I then stood there for a long time and studied the Disney Blu-Ray section of the movies in Walmart, slowly coming to a realization.  They were all insanely priced.  Now I know that Disney movies have always cost a little more than your typical film and, in my opinion, this was alright because they were always top-notch productions that lived on pretty much forever.  But to be requesting almost $40.00 of my hard earned money was asking a bit too much.

I studied the section a bit more and made another discovery.  All of the films in the Blu-Ray section for Disney were not just Blu-Ray discs.  They all included the Blu-Ray, the DVD, and a digital copy.  This, my friends, is bullshit.  They’re charging large sums of money to essentially buy three copies of the same damn movie all at once.  I don’t know who thought this up, but they’re either a marketing genius or the scum of the earth; quite possibly both.  We don’t need 3 copies of a movie.  NOBODY needs 3 copies of any movie at all…ever.

So I looked around for just the Blu-Ray copy, because that’s all I wanted.  I did not want three copies of one movie…I wanted the Blu-Ray because it’s a beautiful movie and one I deem worthy of paying the already too high price (as compared to DVD) of buying it on Blu-Ray.  But it doesn’t exist.  If you want a Disney movie, you HAVE to purchase three copies of it.  I even saw a version that also included the 3D version as well.  So you were getting FOUR copies in that one.  Eventually I broke down and bought three copies because I was terrified of missing my chance and finding out it went back into the vault before I got my hands on it.  Have I mentioned how much I LOATHE the Disney vault?

I spotted another film I’ve wanted to own since it’s release as well.  I saw the movie Up.  Then I saw the price.

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Yup…$39.93.  No freaking way.  I paid too much for Beauty and the Beast because I love that movie and it makes me feel like a kid again.  There’s no way I am going to pay that kind of money for new Disney movies.  It just won’t happen.  So I left Walmart without Up and went home, hating Disney just a little for their shenanigans and thievery.  Later, I ended up finding a treasure trove of Disney DVDs and Blu-Rays at a used video store and scored them all for under $15 dollars each, including Up which had the Blu-Ray, DVD, and digital copy.

So this is my message to Disney.  I love your movies.  I have ALWAYS loved your movies.  However, I will never purchase your movies for the prices you ask for them based solely on the fact that you threaten us with taking them away forever and hoarding them in your stupid vault like a bully.  Please pay attention to what I have to say next, Disney, because it’s very important.  You will get far more of my money if you come to your senses and charge reasonable prices for them and make them more widely available.  I may have forked over the cash for Beauty and the Beast, but that’s the exception.  It’s a childhood nostalgia thing and nothing more.  Your movies aren’t worth $40 dollars and you should be ashamed of yourselves.

Yes…I Bought This

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This, my friends, is a freaking Steve Irwin action figure.  I scored this in a Liquidation World and was absolutely stoked to see it on the shelf.  This man taught me so much about animals and conservation and was ultimately badass.  It even talks!!!  So yes, I had to buy it and he now sits proudly on the shelf of my desk at work.  RIP Steve…you were one of my heroes growing up.

Movie Review: Killer Klowns from Outer Space

The boyfriend and I had an experience lately that bears repeating.  We were bored one night, flipping through Netflix, and arguing about what to watch.  Finally, he suggested Killer Klowns from Outer Space.  I was annoyed enough with the flipped that I just said that was fine and he could put on whatever he wanted.  So he chose this one and we settled in to watch.

I will start by saying that I hope to hell that whomever made this movie intended for it to be as over the top ridiculous and cheesy as it was because if they were actually going to frightening, they failed on an epic level.

In rating it on the Cheese Scale, I give it a good rating.  This means it is it was quality cheese.  These movies are amusing, contain a the right amount of humour and character likeability with an amusing plotline.  The downside is, there’s not a whole lot of rewatch value to these ones.

I will say that the reason I liked the characters is that they were acted so badly.  I laughed my ass off at their apparently intended serious acting that was so awful, it blew a school play out of the water.  I love stuff like that, it makes my bad eighties movie just that much better.  To give you a run down of the bizarre and sometimes baffling things this movie had to offer, let me share some of the finer points of the film with you.

Just in case you care, there are definitely spoilers in this post.  If you are peeing your pants in anticipation to see this film, don’t read the rest of this or you will be saddened and dismayed.

First of all, the Klowns come to Earth in what can be described as a falling star/spaceship/circus tent.  Yes, their spaceship appears as a circus tent.  The first person to find this tent is an old man thinking he’s going to get rich and his blood hound named Poo.  That’s right, his dog’s name is Poo.  I believe at one point he calls it Pooh Bear, but it’s funnier the other way, so that’s what I go by.

The main character breakdown is as follows:

1. An old police officer who hates all the young punks in town (anyone under thirty) and continually mumbles monologues about how he hates those crazy kids.  Somewhat akin to the unmasked villain at the end of every episode of Scooby Doo.

2. College guy and girl up on make out hill who see the falling star and make the discovery and try to warn everyone.

3. Young police officer who is more open minded and used to date the chick that was on make out hill.

4. The moron twins who drive an ice cream truck and think that it will get them laid.  They talk rather like the teenager on The Simpsons with the squeaky voice.

The generic teenager working all the crappy jobs.

The Klowns themselves are bizarre.  They are really tall, look like they’re wearing blow up clown outfits and have very creepy but also very fake looking rubbery faces with yellowed, pointy teeth.  I’m actually fairly certain they spent most of the budget on the costumes for the Klowns.  They kill people by shooting them with a ray gun that cocoons them in cotton candy and then liquefies them, allowing the Klowns to insert silly straws (yes, silly straws) and suck them out through that.  Grotesque yet humourous.

They also have guns that shoot popcorn at people.  In the beginning, I was unsure as to what this would accomplish but apparently the popcorn later turns into snakes with Klown heads that try to eat you.  This just confused me to no extent.  Why would popcorn do this?  Eggs I could see, but popcorn is so buttery and delicious that I can’t see it harming me.  Though, I guess I couldn’t imagine being liquified by cotton candy and sucked up through a silly straw either, so there you go.  Something I found particularly amusing was the creation of a balloon animal dog that followed a scent trail.

During the inevitable takeover of the town, a biker gets his head punched off by the little Klown after the biker breaks his little bicycle (the Klown was wearing little boxing gloves at the time and acting quite impish).  A shadow puppet on a wall captures several peoples’ attention, then the several people and they are fed to a bag of popcorn…and we all know what happens when the popcorn gets involved.  There is a car chase involving a little Klown car, an ice cream truck, and a police car which is just ridiculous.  During all this, the townspeople are being collected up in their cotton candy cocoons with a giant vacuum on the Klown car.

One of my favoured discoveries in this film was the way to kill them.  Are you ready for this?  Pop their big, red noses.  Yes folks, that’s right.  The Klowns’ weakness is that giant red nose they all sport and by destroying it, they will spin around in a bright green tornado, turn into a crystal and then explode.

Just as a random observation, by the way, the main chick changed into leg warmers in the second half of the movie and then was kidnapped inside a giant balloon and taken back to the space ship.  I think she deserved it because the leg warmers were polka-dotted.

And now, for the final battle.  We arrive at the local amusement park, where the Klowns have moved the space ship to better disguise it.  Five Klowns get out of a tiny car and kill a security guard with pies…he melted and the little clown put a cherry on top of the goo pile.  This was awesome.  The boyfriend and I laughed quite a bit.  The ice cream truck losers fell into a ball pit with two girl clowns with giant, inflatable boobs.  They were in heaven.  They (dumb ass preppy guy and young cop) rescued the leg warmer chick and then they all tried to escaped.  Dumb ass preppy guy (wearing an argyle sweater) opens a door and finds another door.  He commented loudly, “Another Door!”.  This gag is repeated and every time he says, “Another Door!” like it’s the biggest shock in the world

The last boss (yes, I play too many video games) was a giant Klown with a crocodilian style head.  There was no special effort in finding his weakness, it was the same as the smaller Klowns.  The young cop popped his nose with his badge.  The spaceship blew up and that was pretty much it.

I love cheesy movies and this delivered on that whether it was intentional or not.  There was some unfinished business, however, that bothered me at the end.  How did the moron twins escaped the big boobed Klowns and why it was never defined whether leg warmer chick officially wanted young cop (that would be my choice) or dumb ass preppy guy in the argyle sweater?  The three of them just hugged at the end.  Though perhaps after all their harrowing trials, they will form a permanent threesome and live happily ever after.

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