So I was walking down the street after work. Suddenly, a random mustache appeared. Quite.
Sometimes you find the most nifty things in the laundry room of an apartment building.
This particular volume shares information on using music to soothe my savage Mr. Peep and comes with a free poster!
I definitely scored big time!
In case anyone didn’t catch it, sarcasm is heavily present in the above…
Remember back when Old Navy commercials were kind of catchy? They always had some dancing, some trendy little pop song, some lame theme going on for whatever they were selling. If it was winter, they were playing in the snow with their Old Navy mittens and scarves, in the summer, they were wearing flip flops that they got at Old Navy for a moderate price.
I didn’t mind those commercials. I wasn’t on the edge of my seat waiting for a new one to come around, but they weren’t horrible.
Now, however, their commercials are absolutely atrocious. I HATE them with a passion and can’t stand it when they come on the television. In case you don’t know what I’m talking about (and if you don’t, you’re damn lucky), I’ll enlighten you. The following is a photograph of that which is so creepy.
Don’t worry, the photograph itself can’t hurt you. I’m not completely certain about the ones in the store, though. I tend to avoid them. With their happy little smiles and their inane conversations on the commercials, they’re they most shudder inducing mascots I’ve seen for anything. There’s even a freaking DOG! What’s with that. He can’t wear clothes and has no business advertising a human clothing store.
And the dialogue! I can’t stand it…if these are real world problems of people who shop at old navy, then I’m going to have to stop shopping there. And I love their tank tops so I don’t want to.
Yes, that’s right…she needs new jeans. While they’re nice jeans, buying them is not a horrible, life changing event that would cause her grinning idiot of a plastic boyfriend to spaz out. I could see that reaction if she’d dropped the bomb that she was going to have his grinning, idiot plastic baby, but not because she was going to buy new jeans. I just don’t get it. I want the days of the trendy pop songs about sweaters back.
Yes folks, that’s right…there are still a plethora of things on my list of weird food quirks. Today’s shameful admission is food textures. The kinds of food I will eat is severely dictated by the texture of said foods.
For example, I freaking love bananas. The flavour of them is delicious, the smell is intoxicating and I desperately would love to be able to eat one. However, I simply cannot. For some reason, the texture of bananas makes me gag and I can’t swallow them without choking. So I must appease my cravings with banana flavoured things instead. Banana bread and muffins are the best, banana flavoured suckers come in a close second and recently, I have discovered banana flavoured Arrowroot cookies. Delicious.
Pudding goes in the same category as bananas. The goopy texture makes me gag and I can’t swallow it. Jell-O, however, I’m all over. I love Jell-O in all it’s delicious flavours.
I also don’t think food should be liquidy. This is a problem for the consumption of soup and soup-like products. I have, however, come up with different methods of making these foods less soup-like. For example, with actual soup, the solution is simple. LOTS of crackers. So much that it then becomes soup-flavoured mush. With things like stew, the solution is a lovely loaf of french or italian bread. We always called it fancy bread and Mom would buy it special whenever she made stew or potato soup so we could all dip it in the soup juice (yes, I call it soup juice). This solved the problem nicely as it would soak up the juice and leave me with the delicious and flavourful filling (noodles, veggies, meat, etc…).
Something I absolutely hate is food that mixes textures. If the main part of a dish is a certain texture, I can’t stand biting into it and finding another texture hidden inside. I detest when there are crunchy things inside a pasta dish. So I put things like mushrooms and chicken into my pasta and if I end up somewhere that has crunchy veggies in it, I pick them out and eat them separately.
I will say that the boyfriend has slowly gotten me to like a little bit of cut up celery in my tuna sandwiches and I’ll eat lettuce on a burger now, but that’s as far as he has progressed in that area of trying to change my eating habits. It’s a slow process but I think he’s determined to widen my horizons. I, however, am perfectly happy with my narrow view of food consumption.
Now, I know that technically, dishes and utensils aren’t food and some people would argue that having quirks regarding said objects doesn’t count as a food quirk. However, this is my blog and I’ll write however I please. I feel that these objects are the main conveyance of my food and therefore, play an important role in it’s consumption.
Alright, first up…bowls. I like bowls for the simple reason that I am less likely to shoot my food across the table when it is contained inside a bowl. This does not mean that I eat things like steak or turkey dinner in a bowl, but I do prefer more than just soup to be served in one. For instance, I always eat my pasta in a bowl. Many a noodle has flown off a plate, flung accidentally at the unfortunate people sitting around me. Bowls are safe…they keep your clothing stain free. Spaghetti sauce is not your shirt’s best friend. This has caused a few tiny arguments between the boyfriend and I, as he is a plate pasta person but likes us to eat on the same type of dish. I don’t know the reason, I’ve never asked. Despite his many attempts, I refuse to give up my bowl-ish ways and he always begrudgingly serves my pasta in one while he loads up his plate.
There are degrees to bowls as well. Some are just better than others for the more liquid like foods. For instance, soup should never be served in one of those shallow bowls with the wide brims. They need to be served in what my mother refers to as “cereal bowls”. Which are deeper and have no lip. They are just all kinds of bowl. Which is why I call them “bowly bowls”. Much to my family’s utter confusion when I request one from the cupboard.
Moving on to utensils, I have one thing that I really dig my heels in about. We have one fork out of all of our forks that I like. Only one. It’s the best fork in the entire house and I refuse to eat with anything else if I can help it. It’s just so much better fork-wise than all the others. It has the perfect length of prongs, they’re nice and narrow and I like the pattern on the handle because it doesn’t have rough edges that bother me when I hold it. The problem is, the boyfriend also likes this fork. I don’t know what his reasoning is, but I suspect it is the same as mine. So I grab this much sought after fork at the beginning of meal preparation and I hide it until it’s time to eat. If he takes it, I steal it off his plate. If it’s dirty in the sink, I will wash that one single fork rather than take a clean one from the drawer.
Cups. In our house, there are many different kinds. Coffee, beer pint, small, large, plastic, glass…there are a lot to choose from. I have a few of my favourites, I’m not as particular about them as I am about the other dishes, however, there are ones that I will not use. Thick glass cups are on the banned list for me. They’re too heavy and big and cumbersome and no one should have to go through so much effort just to have a drink. I don’t like coffee cups that slant. I like the perfectly cylindrical ones that go straight up and down. This is a safety issue. Over there years, I have discovered that I spill hot coffee on myself far more often from a slanted cup than from a cylindrical one.
So that’s pretty much it. There are other small things here and there. I have my favourite bowl for popcorn or the one cookie sheet I like to use, but everyone has that. I don’t like being served in a restaurant on plates that aren’t normally shaped because then I can’t figure out the best way to position my dish before I eat and this causes a little bit of panic, but not so much that I’ve ever freaked out in a restaurant…yet.
A friend of mine encouraged me to share with all of you, my weird food habits and quirks. Of these, there are many. Some of them have developed since I was a small child, some have changed over the years and some are just weird.
Today we start with eating one item of food at a time. I don’t mean just grabbing one thing to eat, I’m talking about when you have a variety of food on your plate. I will eat one item until it is finished. Then I will select the next item and consume it in its entirety, before doing the same thing with the next until I have consumed the last one.
I don’t know when this started, but it’s been a long time and I don’t remember when I didn’t do it. I noticed it with Chinese food first, always eating the veggies first, then the chicken and finally, the delicious noodles.
I thought it was just the Chinese food, but then I noticed that when I eat McDonalds, I have to have the fries first and then the burger. I tried to mix it up once and it felt all wrong and I couldn’t do it. Thanksgiving/Christmas dinner is the same. A plate full of different items, all of them eaten one at a time, saving the stuffing for last.
There are many possible explanations for this. It could be that I don’t like to mix textures of food. However, this doesn’t account for the fact that I love stew and it has many different items in it, though I do notice that I will only eat one item on the spoon at a time. It could be that I don’t want to keep screwing up the flavours I have in my mouth. If I eat one thing at a time, I can enjoy it before I move on to the next. The most likely reason, however, is that I tend to eat my least liked food item first and finish with my favourite. I usually consume any vegetables before I move onto the meat portion and end with the potato/starch item (this does get switched around depending on the specific items…bacon is consumed last). If fried mushrooms are accompanying the meal, they are the final item consumed because they’re just so damn yummy.
This may seem weird to all of you, but I will say, this is just the beginning. As with my food, I have started with the least weird and will finish with the ultimate bizarre food quirk that I have…olives.
So the boyfriend and I went on a random thrift shopping adventure yesterday. He just wanted to browse and I was on the lookout for belted sweaters. Christmas is fast approaching and the boyfriend is always rather cold. As per usual, while he browsed the video games and textbooks (yes, the boyfriend eagerly checks out the textbooks at the thrift stores), I wandered around in search of bizarre and interesting things that one could only hope to find in a second hand store. This trip was not a disappointment and because of the approaching holidays, the stores were chock full of wonderful Christmas items to see.
First up, a stocking. But no just any stocking. This was home made…with latch hook. I find that the eyes are the creepiest thing about this stocking. Santa either has deep dark patches underneath his non-existent eyes or his eyes themselves are nothing but dark, black frightening patches, not unlike a shark who is about to devour his prey. This stocking must have frightened many a child back in the day on Christmas morning.
Another creepy thing I spotted was something I’m assuming was supposed to be an angel of some sort. However, it seems as if the male angel has a female angel growing out from the side of it. I mean LITERALLY out of the side of the male. She’s got one arm and then her mid-waist connects to his side and they freakish Frankenstein stitches are covered by some kind of shield. It’s like a Christmas science experiment gone wrong.
Elves are a jolly lot. They’re happy and bouncy and oh so fun and dancy, right? Well, not this elf. This one is completely demented. It’s got weirdly smeared lipstick and googly eyes and these odd little eyebrows. With his sparkly little hat and shiny green tights, I would be very suspicious of this elf if he were working in Santa’s workshop.
A theme I noticed while browsing the Christmas wonders on all the shelves was Santa statues holding geese. It was odd because I wondered why Santa would be holding such a thing. Then it occurred to me that perhaps, Santa was delivering these birds to be eaten as Christmas dinner. Which is all well and good, I’m by no means a vegetarian. I love turkey at Thanksgiving and Christmas and the occasional Easter dinner. So I understand the concept of perhaps eating these cute little geese for dinner. My problem with this is, they seem so happy to be hanging out with Santa and if they ARE food, then he’s delivering them up for slaughter. It kind of seems mean. If he’s going to be delivering food to people, it should be dead before hand.
In one of the stores, there were a bunch of little statues of kids playing in the snow. There was nothing particularly odd about them individually, however, two over them were placed on the shelf in such an unfortunate manner that I couldn’t help but share the amusement with the rest of you.
The last thing I found that day was just something that was quite odd to be sitting on the shelf at all, let alone with all the Christmas ornaments. A Coke bottle. A little glass coke bottle with actual coke in it. Just sitting on the shelf, happy as can be. It was just odd.
So yes, these were my Christmas adventures in thrift store land. I will, of course, be keeping my eye out for any other marvelous treasures as well as belted sweaters.