A disclaimer for those of you about to read this story. If you are in a workplace, probably it’s best if you don’t read it here. It’s not really that bad, but still, just in case. I’m marking this as NSFW (not suitable for work). You have been warned!!
Today was kind of an odd day. First of all, I like my Sundays to consist of me sitting on the armchair in the living room, watching movies all day, snacking and not leaving the house for anything. Those Sundays are my very favourite ones and I relish them when they come along.
Sadly, today was not one of those days. I had to get up, shower, get dressed, do the makeup thing and then head out to pick up a friend and then drive to our hometown for a bridal shower for a friend we went to grade/high school with. Just so you have a background on my experience with these sorts of things, this was possibly only the fourth wedding/bridal shower that I’ve ever been to in my entire life. It was at the house of someone I didn’t know (worked with the mother of the bride) and there were a lot of people there that I didn’t know. There were, however, many of my friends that I went to high school with, some of which I hadn’t seen in a while, so that was awesome.
In case you weren’t aware, generally at these types of things, there are girly kinds of games that everyone participates in and the winner gets prizes. This shower was no exception. The first game involved someone reading a list of typical things contained in a woman’s purse and the person who had the most matches won. Me being me, I didn’t have very many. I have a huge purse and there are lots of things in it, but they’re weird. Instead of lipstick, bandaids, and a lint roller, I have a box of Wonka Nerds, a giant notebook filled with random writing ideas and three or four packs of batteries for my camera, just in case. So no, this was not my shower game victory for the day.
The second game of the day was one where you had fifteen seconds to reach into a bag and feel around, trying to think of as many things as you could feel and write them all down. Again, whomever had the most won the prize. I didn’t win this game either. I knew what many of the objects were when I felt them, but after my fifteen seconds were up, I pretty much forgot everything I’d touched.
So at this point, I had resigned myself to being neither girly enough nor having a good enough memory span to win a prize. However, when the next game was announced, I thought I would perhaps have a shot. This is where it gets a little risque, folks. It seemed a little odd to go from the mundane and generic first two games to this final one, but I took it in stride and was determined to win a prize.
What was this game, you ask? What kind of activity could it be to get such a confused response from my fellow shower guests and myself? We were asked to make a penis. Yes, that’s right. We were all handed an unformed lump of PlayDoh and told to make the most realistic penis we could manage, the best one being judged by the maid of honour and the woman running the games. If the makers of PlayDoh only knew what their product was being used for, I wonder what they would say.
And so, I immediately set to work on mine, crafting it to perfection and putting it on the little card with my name on it, hoping for a win. There was much deliberation and eventually, it was down to two, mine and someone else’s creation. The mother of the bride was called over to make the final decision and, lo and behold, I WON!! Yes, that’s right, mine was the best PlayDoh Penis out of all of them. I had never felt such pride and accomplishment (at a wedding shower, that is). I did a little mental jig of celebration and then chose a nice little orange Pashmina-style scarf as my prize.
Below you can see all the competition and the triumphant winner. An odd victory, but a victory nonetheless!