An Odd Victory

A disclaimer for those of you about to read this story.  If you are in a workplace, probably it’s best if you don’t read it here.  It’s not really that bad, but still, just in case.  I’m marking this as NSFW (not suitable for work).  You have been warned!!

Today was kind of an odd day.  First of all, I like my Sundays to consist of me sitting on the armchair in the living room, watching movies all day, snacking and not leaving the house for anything.  Those Sundays are my very favourite ones and I relish them when they come along.

Sadly, today was not one of those days.  I had to get up, shower, get dressed, do the makeup thing and then head out to pick up a friend and then drive to our hometown for a bridal shower for a friend we went to grade/high school with.   Just so you have a background on my experience with these sorts of things, this was possibly only the fourth wedding/bridal shower that I’ve ever been to in my entire life.  It was at the house of someone I didn’t know (worked with the mother of the bride) and there were a lot of people there that I didn’t know.  There were, however, many of my friends that I went to high school with, some of which I hadn’t seen in a while, so that was awesome.

In case you weren’t aware, generally at these types of things, there are girly kinds of games that everyone participates in and the winner gets prizes.  This shower was no exception.  The first game involved someone reading a list of typical things contained in a woman’s purse and the person who had the most matches won.  Me being me, I didn’t have very many.  I have a huge purse and there are lots of things in it, but they’re weird.  Instead of lipstick, bandaids, and a lint roller, I have a box of Wonka Nerds, a giant notebook filled with random writing ideas and three or four packs of batteries for my camera, just in case.  So no, this was not my shower game victory for the day.

The second game of the day was one where you had fifteen seconds to reach into a bag and feel around, trying to think of as many things as you could feel and write them all down.  Again, whomever had the most won the prize.  I didn’t win this game either.  I knew what many of the objects were when I felt them, but after my fifteen seconds were up, I pretty much forgot everything I’d touched.

So at this point, I had resigned myself to being neither girly enough nor having a good enough memory span to win a prize.  However, when the next game was announced, I thought I would perhaps have a shot.  This is where it gets a little risque, folks.  It seemed a little odd to go from the mundane and generic first two games to this final one, but I took it in stride and was determined to win a prize.

What was this game, you ask?  What kind of activity could it be to get such a confused response from my fellow shower guests and myself?  We were asked to make a penis.  Yes, that’s right.  We were all handed an unformed lump of PlayDoh and told to make the most realistic penis we could manage, the best one being judged by the maid of honour and the woman running the games.  If the makers of PlayDoh only knew what their product was being used for, I wonder what they would say.

And so, I immediately set to work on mine, crafting it to perfection and putting it on the little card with my name on it, hoping for a win.  There was much deliberation and eventually, it was down to two, mine and someone else’s creation.  The mother of the bride was called over to make the final decision and, lo and behold, I WON!!  Yes, that’s right, mine was the best PlayDoh Penis out of all of them.  I had never felt such pride and accomplishment (at a wedding shower, that is).  I did a little mental jig of celebration and then chose a nice little orange  Pashmina-style scarf as my prize.

A visual representation of my mental victory jig

Below you can see all the competition and the triumphant winner.  An odd victory, but a victory nonetheless!

All the final game contestant pieces (mine is circled near the bottom)

Life’s Little Brain Farts

We all know what a brain fart is; it’s one of those stupid little moments we have when we’re not paying quite enough attention to what we’re doing and as a result, something gets screwed up.  The result of a brain fart can be small and barely noticeable, something funny to laugh at later and wonder how you could have done such a thing or it can drive you crazy when you discover your error and it’s resulting disaster on your daily life.  I don’t know if it’s the time of the year and all the allergy medication I’ve been having to take lately, the fact that I’ve been forgoing sleeping a full eight hours in order to try and beat Batman: Arkham Asylum, or just some cosmic alignment that I’m not aware of, but my brain has been cutting in and out all over the place lately and I’ve been noticing a rising count in these little annoying errors and it’s starting to drive me a little round the bend.

First up, today whilst in the shower, enjoying the nice hot water and washing my hair, not only did I finally notice that I had purchased two bottles of shampoo the other day instead of shampoo and conditioner, I did not realize it until I had washed my hair, rinsed it out and then grabbed what I thought was the conditioner and applied it to my hair.  So in essence, I washed my hair twice and started rinsing before I realized that my hair was not conditioned in any way, but merely double washed.  When you have hair like mine, not being able to condition it is a disaster of epic proportions.  Luckily, I had about a quarter of a bottle left of the old stuff to get me through and my hair has not risen a foot off my head in crazy frizz, likely to attack the first person it sees.

The other day, the boyfriend requested I make some coffee, since I was downstairs at the time and he was on the upper

What the coffee should have looked like that day

floor.  Since I was feeling the need for a little caffeine myself, I agreed and was suddenly looking quite forward to a steaming cup of Maxwell House.  And so, I poured the water into the coffee maker, I got the little filter all prepared and popped it in and then I turned it on, going back into the living room to continue watching whatever was on the television.  About a half an hour later, the boyfriend wandered down and inquired about the coffee, causing me to suddenly realize that I couldn’t smell that delicious aroma that always drifts through the house, reminding me that it was ready.  And so, we went to the kitchen to investigate.  Did I forget to plug the machine in? No.  Did I forget to flip the little “on” switch?  Not at all.  However, I did manage to forget to actually put the three scoops of coffee into the little filter thing and ended up running water through the system to sit nicely heated on the little burner.  So the boyfriend made the coffee.

Last winter, when I parked my car on the road and walked to work, I somehow unknowingly

My little silver baby. Old but great for getting me where I need to go. (unless of course I've killed the battery)

managed to turn the overhead light on over the passenger seat.  I worked my day away, managing files and whatnot, keeping the overlords of the office happy and then at five, I cheerily made my way back to my little silver Kia Rio.  I situated myself in the driver’s seat and put the key in the ignition, turning it and heading off home.  Or so I thought.  Absolutely no response from my little baby.  That one little light that I had turned on when accidentally pushing that button in the morning had left my battery completely dead.  Fortunately, I had roadside assistance.  Unfortunately, it took an hour to get there, it was more than ten below and I had to pee.  We can all imagine what fun it was for me to sit there in that situation until the nice man finally got there and jump started my car.  I didn’t regain feeling in my feet until a few hours later.  Always make sure the lights are off in your car…ALWAYS!!

What kind of brain slips have you been having lately?  Wear two different socks to work?  Put a shirt on that had a stain you didn’t know about until halfway through the day?  A little salt in your coffee instead of sugar?  How many times a day does your brain go on a ten second vacation that leaves you frustrated, annoyed and defenseless later on that day?  I can’t be the only one.