So I was walking down the street after work. Suddenly, a random mustache appeared. Quite.
Sometimes you find the most nifty things in the laundry room of an apartment building.
This particular volume shares information on using music to soothe my savage Mr. Peep and comes with a free poster!
I definitely scored big time!
In case anyone didn’t catch it, sarcasm is heavily present in the above…
Well folks, it’s been quite a while since I posted anything. Life has been busy with the back injury and then moving and settling in, but I’ve been collecting random pictures here and there of weird things that I see while I’m out and about so I thought I’d share them with you so you can giggle like I did.
First up, a trip to Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory, where it’s not quite like visiting Willy Wonka’s digs, but it’s still a chocolate store. I saw this on the shelf and had to snap a photo…right before I bought myself a candy apple and chocolate covered espresso beans!
It seems if you want your caramel corn with nuts, this package is not for you. Also, it’s a little confused.
A gem of a find was discovered while the boyfriend and I cruised Spencer’s for some random laughs and awesome finds. I always love looking at the book section there because there are actually a bunch that, no matter how ridiculous they seem, I would probably enjoy reading very much. The following is an example of this:
That’s right people…Snuggie Sutra. Now, this may seem hokey to you all, but I think it’s both hysterical and intriguing. Being as I absolutely adore my Snuggie (thank you, Mom) and bought the boyfriend one for Christmas last year so he would stop stealing mine, I have a vested interest in this book, even just for amusement sake. The best part? The tag line at the bottom says, “Erotic Fun in Your Blanket with Sleeves”.
The next isn’t so much weird as it was creepy. These books look like a ripoff of the Goosebumps books by R.L. Stein, but that’s not what creeped me out. Look at the face of the kid on the cover. Remind you of anyone?
That’s right, that damn creepy doll from the Child’s Play movies was staring back at me with his evil little eyes. I hate that little bastard, he scared the crap out of me when I was a kid.
You know what you don’t ever see enough of?
There are not enough disco turtles in the world. Wouldn’t it just be such a nicer place if all the turtles wandering around had disco balls on their backs? Things would be so damn shiny!
And last, but not least (for tonight, anyway…there is so much weird crap in stores these days), I give you…Mustache Pig.
Mustache Pig is hip, he’s cool…he wears sunglasses. Of all the pigs on the shelf, he was the most bad-ass. He is mustache-a-licious. The boyfriend named him Steve. Apparently, people with mustaches are forever to be called Steve by the boyfriend…this now includes pigs with sunglasses.
The boyfriend and I had an experience lately that bears repeating. We were bored one night, flipping through Netflix, and arguing about what to watch. Finally, he suggested Killer Klowns from Outer Space. I was annoyed enough with the flipped that I just said that was fine and he could put on whatever he wanted. So he chose this one and we settled in to watch.
I will start by saying that I hope to hell that whomever made this movie intended for it to be as over the top ridiculous and cheesy as it was because if they were actually going to frightening, they failed on an epic level.
In rating it on the Cheese Scale, I give it a good rating. This means it is it was quality cheese. These movies are amusing, contain a the right amount of humour and character likeability with an amusing plotline. The downside is, there’s not a whole lot of rewatch value to these ones.
I will say that the reason I liked the characters is that they were acted so badly. I laughed my ass off at their apparently intended serious acting that was so awful, it blew a school play out of the water. I love stuff like that, it makes my bad eighties movie just that much better. To give you a run down of the bizarre and sometimes baffling things this movie had to offer, let me share some of the finer points of the film with you.
Just in case you care, there are definitely spoilers in this post. If you are peeing your pants in anticipation to see this film, don’t read the rest of this or you will be saddened and dismayed.
First of all, the Klowns come to Earth in what can be described as a falling star/spaceship/circus tent. Yes, their spaceship appears as a circus tent. The first person to find this tent is an old man thinking he’s going to get rich and his blood hound named Poo. That’s right, his dog’s name is Poo. I believe at one point he calls it Pooh Bear, but it’s funnier the other way, so that’s what I go by.
The main character breakdown is as follows:
1. An old police officer who hates all the young punks in town (anyone under thirty) and continually mumbles monologues about how he hates those crazy kids. Somewhat akin to the unmasked villain at the end of every episode of Scooby Doo.
2. College guy and girl up on make out hill who see the falling star and make the discovery and try to warn everyone.
3. Young police officer who is more open minded and used to date the chick that was on make out hill.
4. The moron twins who drive an ice cream truck and think that it will get them laid. They talk rather like the teenager on The Simpsons with the squeaky voice.
The Klowns themselves are bizarre. They are really tall, look like they’re wearing blow up clown outfits and have very creepy but also very fake looking rubbery faces with yellowed, pointy teeth. I’m actually fairly certain they spent most of the budget on the costumes for the Klowns. They kill people by shooting them with a ray gun that cocoons them in cotton candy and then liquefies them, allowing the Klowns to insert silly straws (yes, silly straws) and suck them out through that. Grotesque yet humourous.
They also have guns that shoot popcorn at people. In the beginning, I was unsure as to what this would accomplish but apparently the popcorn later turns into snakes with Klown heads that try to eat you. This just confused me to no extent. Why would popcorn do this? Eggs I could see, but popcorn is so buttery and delicious that I can’t see it harming me. Though, I guess I couldn’t imagine being liquified by cotton candy and sucked up through a silly straw either, so there you go. Something I found particularly amusing was the creation of a balloon animal dog that followed a scent trail.
During the inevitable takeover of the town, a biker gets his head punched off by the little Klown after the biker breaks his little bicycle (the Klown was wearing little boxing gloves at the time and acting quite impish). A shadow puppet on a wall captures several peoples’ attention, then the several people and they are fed to a bag of popcorn…and we all know what happens when the popcorn gets involved. There is a car chase involving a little Klown car, an ice cream truck, and a police car which is just ridiculous. During all this, the townspeople are being collected up in their cotton candy cocoons with a giant vacuum on the Klown car.
One of my favoured discoveries in this film was the way to kill them. Are you ready for this? Pop their big, red noses. Yes folks, that’s right. The Klowns’ weakness is that giant red nose they all sport and by destroying it, they will spin around in a bright green tornado, turn into a crystal and then explode.
Just as a random observation, by the way, the main chick changed into leg warmers in the second half of the movie and then was kidnapped inside a giant balloon and taken back to the space ship. I think she deserved it because the leg warmers were polka-dotted.
And now, for the final battle. We arrive at the local amusement park, where the Klowns have moved the space ship to better disguise it. Five Klowns get out of a tiny car and kill a security guard with pies…he melted and the little clown put a cherry on top of the goo pile. This was awesome. The boyfriend and I laughed quite a bit. The ice cream truck losers fell into a ball pit with two girl clowns with giant, inflatable boobs. They were in heaven. They (dumb ass preppy guy and young cop) rescued the leg warmer chick and then they all tried to escaped. Dumb ass preppy guy (wearing an argyle sweater) opens a door and finds another door. He commented loudly, “Another Door!”. This gag is repeated and every time he says, “Another Door!” like it’s the biggest shock in the world
The last boss (yes, I play too many video games) was a giant Klown with a crocodilian style head. There was no special effort in finding his weakness, it was the same as the smaller Klowns. The young cop popped his nose with his badge. The spaceship blew up and that was pretty much it.
I love cheesy movies and this delivered on that whether it was intentional or not. There was some unfinished business, however, that bothered me at the end. How did the moron twins escaped the big boobed Klowns and why it was never defined whether leg warmer chick officially wanted young cop (that would be my choice) or dumb ass preppy guy in the argyle sweater? The three of them just hugged at the end. Though perhaps after all their harrowing trials, they will form a permanent threesome and live happily ever after.
Recently, my sister had a baby and I spent an entire evening and some of the very early morning hours of the next day waiting to meet my first nephew. You would think this would be incredibly boring, not because of what I was there for, but because I wasn’t actually involved in any way regarding the birth. I went to her room a couple times and chatted with her but for the most part, it was my mother and bro-in-law that were in there with her while me and my father waited around in the waiting room.
At first, I kept myself busy watching some television and catching up on some notes for work. Then things got a little more difficult to keep my mind distracted. They closed the Tim Horton’s around eight or nine so I couldn’t keep wandering down there for coffee and snacks so I had to rely on the sparse supply of vending machine provisions to get me through the hours.
As I was wandering down to the Timmie’s, I did make some observations. One, there are an inordinately large amount of ATM’s in the hospital considering it’s not really a store of any kind. On my way from the third floor maternity ward down to the little Timmie’s, I passed at least four and noticed a few others in my various wanderings throughout the night as well.
I also noticed that every person I passed in the halls, employees, visitors, or patients, never said a word. You would perhaps get a slight smile but it was as if there was an unspoken rule that no one was allowed to talk…EVER. I could see this in the later hours, but this was the same around seven when I had just arrived to the hospital.
There was one exception to this rule. A woman who was pushing a cart of cleaning supplies and had a heavy accent started laughing almost hysterically at the sounds of an obviously excited father-to-be telling the mother in the room down the hall from my sister to push. He’d say it several times and she laugh and then say it as well, continuing to laugh hysterically. I couldn’t help but laugh with her because she was so funny and enthusiastic about her imitation.
The revolving door at the entrance to the hospital was somewhat of an enigma. It was automatic so you didn’t have to push it. However, when you were still about five feet away, it would start rotating so you’d step inside and it would suddenly stop and say, “Please step forward”. You would then have to shuffle forward a foot before it would start moving again and let you either in or out of the hospital.
There was an aquarium in the entrance lobby to the hospital with tropical fish and I found myself watching them while I was waiting for my mother to go to the washroom. They were all very beautiful but I notice one little angel fish that was somewhat gimped up. He was swimming fine, but on an angle. I couldn’t figure out why as there was nothing really wrong with his fins or anything and he didn’t look sick. He reminded me a lot of Gill from Finding Nemo.
Eventually, as it got later, the only thing available to keep me entertained was the small television in the waiting room that had cable up to channel 14. I now remember why we ditched cable at our house. There was absolutely nothing on but crappy movies, television shows I don’t really like, or the news, which was as it always is; boring and depressing. Eventually though, my mother left the room so the sister and the bro-in-law could have their baby and I was able to chat with her until the big moment arrived.
Yes folks, that’s right…there are still a plethora of things on my list of weird food quirks. Today’s shameful admission is food textures. The kinds of food I will eat is severely dictated by the texture of said foods.
For example, I freaking love bananas. The flavour of them is delicious, the smell is intoxicating and I desperately would love to be able to eat one. However, I simply cannot. For some reason, the texture of bananas makes me gag and I can’t swallow them without choking. So I must appease my cravings with banana flavoured things instead. Banana bread and muffins are the best, banana flavoured suckers come in a close second and recently, I have discovered banana flavoured Arrowroot cookies. Delicious.
Pudding goes in the same category as bananas. The goopy texture makes me gag and I can’t swallow it. Jell-O, however, I’m all over. I love Jell-O in all it’s delicious flavours.
I also don’t think food should be liquidy. This is a problem for the consumption of soup and soup-like products. I have, however, come up with different methods of making these foods less soup-like. For example, with actual soup, the solution is simple. LOTS of crackers. So much that it then becomes soup-flavoured mush. With things like stew, the solution is a lovely loaf of french or italian bread. We always called it fancy bread and Mom would buy it special whenever she made stew or potato soup so we could all dip it in the soup juice (yes, I call it soup juice). This solved the problem nicely as it would soak up the juice and leave me with the delicious and flavourful filling (noodles, veggies, meat, etc…).
Something I absolutely hate is food that mixes textures. If the main part of a dish is a certain texture, I can’t stand biting into it and finding another texture hidden inside. I detest when there are crunchy things inside a pasta dish. So I put things like mushrooms and chicken into my pasta and if I end up somewhere that has crunchy veggies in it, I pick them out and eat them separately.
I will say that the boyfriend has slowly gotten me to like a little bit of cut up celery in my tuna sandwiches and I’ll eat lettuce on a burger now, but that’s as far as he has progressed in that area of trying to change my eating habits. It’s a slow process but I think he’s determined to widen my horizons. I, however, am perfectly happy with my narrow view of food consumption.
A friend of mine encouraged me to share with all of you, my weird food habits and quirks. Of these, there are many. Some of them have developed since I was a small child, some have changed over the years and some are just weird.
Today we start with eating one item of food at a time. I don’t mean just grabbing one thing to eat, I’m talking about when you have a variety of food on your plate. I will eat one item until it is finished. Then I will select the next item and consume it in its entirety, before doing the same thing with the next until I have consumed the last one.
I don’t know when this started, but it’s been a long time and I don’t remember when I didn’t do it. I noticed it with Chinese food first, always eating the veggies first, then the chicken and finally, the delicious noodles.
I thought it was just the Chinese food, but then I noticed that when I eat McDonalds, I have to have the fries first and then the burger. I tried to mix it up once and it felt all wrong and I couldn’t do it. Thanksgiving/Christmas dinner is the same. A plate full of different items, all of them eaten one at a time, saving the stuffing for last.
There are many possible explanations for this. It could be that I don’t like to mix textures of food. However, this doesn’t account for the fact that I love stew and it has many different items in it, though I do notice that I will only eat one item on the spoon at a time. It could be that I don’t want to keep screwing up the flavours I have in my mouth. If I eat one thing at a time, I can enjoy it before I move on to the next. The most likely reason, however, is that I tend to eat my least liked food item first and finish with my favourite. I usually consume any vegetables before I move onto the meat portion and end with the potato/starch item (this does get switched around depending on the specific items…bacon is consumed last). If fried mushrooms are accompanying the meal, they are the final item consumed because they’re just so damn yummy.
This may seem weird to all of you, but I will say, this is just the beginning. As with my food, I have started with the least weird and will finish with the ultimate bizarre food quirk that I have…olives.